Merry Christmas from Snowy Petersburg, Alaska

What follows is our annual Christmas letter (sort of) to family and friends which we're posting here for anyone curious how we spent this past pandemic year. So, here goes:

We’re not sending Christmas greetings this year.  You probably say we haven’t sent them in years, that they only came from an itinerant squirrel.  However, said rodent has been deported south to a lovely spruce/hemlock forest where she can observe swans but not us.  Her sin…making an unauthorized border crossing… to move into our abode.  She wanted to spy on us as she gnawed on the wood frame that keeps our cabin standing erect.

After unsuccessfully erecting a US Customs and Border Protection certified barrier (a stick stuck in a hole) and using a subsonic, undetectable-to-the human-ear noise-making machine, which only caused the pretty lady to ask “what’s that sound?”, we surrendered.  The impetus came in the form of the grouch presenting amaurosis fugax (look it up) which necessitated his being temporarily exported to Seattle for investigation.

Thus, we deported our Christmas letter scribe on the day of the grouch’s departure.  We feared she would solidify her reign on our log cabin home and bar us from reentry to the pile of sawdust that remained of the abode.

Not only did said rodent betray our loyalty, but even the grouch’s favorite tree, a cottonwood he conceived by sticking a branch in the ground in the 1980s, betrayed us.  After our basement toilet erupted in a volcanic explosion rivaling Mt. St Helens, a camera forced through the sewer line revealed said cottonwood tree’s roots hanging like stalactites throughout the pipe preventing the movement of movements.  Beautiful, but…  We replaced the sewer line.  The tree?  It remains unscathed except it’s “toenails” have been “trimmed.” 

Barely relaxing after back to back traumatic events, we received a phone call.  A house painter would arrive the next day.  This necessitated the panicked removal of every ornamental and not-so-ornamental object reclining against the house and car port — enough to furnish three condos.  Once begun, the paint job resulted in covering our windows with opaque plastic during this past summer’s only decent spell of sunny weather.  It gave us the unparalleled nightly opportunity to marvel at the beauty of an illuminated sheet of plastic as the sun retreated behind Petersburg Mountain.

Without the invasions of a rodent, a tree and a painter, life seemed boring so we took an autumn road trip to Wisconsin and Iowa.  A couple of days prior to our Alaska ferry departure, a friend of daughter Amanda offered a suggestion.  Since Mandy was taking a well-earned break between nursing jobs and her parents, at least the grouch, is getting decrepit, why shouldn’t she be their chauffeur?  Thus, the pretty lady rode shotgun while the grouch sat in the back seat for much of the trip as the two ladies up front still fulfilled their duties as back-seat drivers to the grouch.  

After a family rendezvous on the sun-drenched shores of Lake Michigan in Wisconsin and in Iowa, the three Corns aimed for Seattle via road and/or air.  In transit the grouch and Mandy toured Colorado Springs guided by son/brother David a deliverer of people for Uber and Lyft and stuff for Amazon.

While traveling, Mandy demonstrated the modern day convenience of locating coffee/pastry shops and reviewing restaurant menus on her cell phone.  The pastry part awed the grouch but he found comparing restaurant menus exceeded his level of desire to find basic grub.  As a bonus Mandy (a barista in a past era) taught the fair lady in seven simple hand-written steps the fine art of ordering a latte that wouldn’t drive a barista nuts.

Regarding cell phones, a significant part of family time involved convincing the grouch that he and the pretty lady needed to be brought from the 18th century into the 21st.  The clincher!  So he could track her via “find my” as she wanders with her camera through territory inhabited by significantly sized black and brown furry creatures.  The hardest part, more difficult than purchasing an AK-47 with 1000 rounds of ammo — signing up for cell phone service.  We couldn’t convince any cell phone service provider who was skeptical we live in a post office box that 1002 Wrangell Avenue exists.

Can’t forget, just because we banished last year’s scribe doesn’t mean the pretty lady has ceased communing with non-humanoids.  Beyond our windows seven days per week you’ll spy large pleading brown eyes and hear clucking sounds.  The pretty lady’s personal deer herd and neighbor’s chickens all consider her to be their guardian angel as she hands out organic apples, carrots, cantaloupe rinds and halves of pomegranates minus their seeds… even popcorn she pops just for them and not the grouch.

 

Incidentally, now that the pretty lady has a cell phone, the grouch knows she’s at the dentist’s office as he writes.  Alas that’s because he didn’t get a call from the dentist saying the didn’t show up.  The $1,200 cell phone?  It sits atop a dresser where it might as well be glued because she doesn’t want to damage it.  She just needs to dust it from time to time. 

And so, with this level of activity and, let’s face it, because the grouch gave up coffee which he blames for his laziness, we will not have a Christmas letter.  

However our prayer for each and everyone of you is simply this:

Rejoice that you are alive! Many of us struggle with aging knees and arthritic hands, but be thankful it means you have both knees and hands.

Rejoice that you have family and loved ones and friends that love you for who you are.  Friends who want the best for you are irreplaceable treasures.

So many in our world struggle with bodies no longer whole and able; they struggle with broken relationships and shattered dreams; and they struggle with prejudice because of their nationality or color of their skin or with themselves because they are not receiving encouragement for the gifts they do have.

We are thankful for all of you who have been so much a part of our lives.  

We are thankful for knowing where to take our gratitude, realizing that the kind of joy and peace that surpasses all understanding is found in that stable where a very little baby lay so very long ago.

Blessings and Joy to all of you, and, despite the notice at the start of this message, Merry Christmas.

Don and Karen

A Thanksgiving to Remember

For me Thanksgiving while I was “migrating” towards adulthood meant one of two things — often both — the obvious combination of duck hunting and football.  With a workaholic father, those moments we spent together were my favorite memories of dad.  Thanksgiving mornings, at least when we lived in Utah during my early/mid-teens, were the days he would take me duck hunting in the marshes along the Great Salt Lake.  Initially, dad assigned me the roll as the family Labrador retriever — until my 14th birthday.  I shivered with excitement that Thanksgiving Day, the day I initiated my first hunting license.  Fortunately for the ducks, no adolescent ever did a better job of educating them on the perils of duck decoys.  Never mind, with no ducks to clean, my brother and I had more time to toss the ball around at halftime during football games.

One year, shortly before Thanksgiving, an errant shotgun pellet that I launched accidentally hit a Canada goose.  I swelled with pride at the admiration I received from passing hunters as I lugged that “monstrous” bird down the dike leading back to our car.  Back home dad announced that we should let it age before cleaning it.  That's what he did growing up close to Barnegat Bay in southern New Jersey, but perhaps not the wisest strategy considering the heat of the garage during that warm Utah autumn.  

Finally, too long afterwards, we cleaned the goose — the centerpiece for a Thanksgiving dinner in the tradition of our forefathers and mothers.  Soon the aroma from the roasting bird wafted through our house — driving everyone outside.  Maybe, we wondered, had it aged too long?  Still mom dutifully finished her job mistakingly assuming that dad knew best.  At last we gathered around the table as dad carved my goose — a Thanksgiving dinner to remember.  Alas, from there on, our story diverged from the original Thanksgiving, because after one sniff, no one touched my inedible Thanksgiving goose.  Yes, it was indeed, a Thanksgiving to remember.

Now in our autumn years Thanksgiving is still a time when birds remain a part of our season’s attractions, but in a more gentle manner.  No longer am I the center of attraction dragging an enormous Canada Goose down a dike, but rather it's Karen attracting comments and dogs as she stalks birds throughout Petersburg.  For Karen who would never even consider shooting a goose, duck or any avian (or mammalian) species, any bird is a wonderful target -- for her camera.  But throwing a football around — nah.

Karen, it turns out, is a far better hunter than I ever was.  Here is just a sample of the many recent photos she has taken of birds.

Vancouver Canada geese in Petersburg sense Karen is a "big threat."

                                       As do mallard ducks that are obviously distressed by her presence.

A common loon stretches it's wings.

A Wilson's snipe contemplates if it should have migrated south.

A "tiny" flock of long-tailed ducks land in front of Karen

An American dipper wonders about that one-eyed critter (the camera lens)

A surf scoter enjoys a bath.

A Barrow's goldenye surfs the waves of Frederick Sound.

And her favorite, a raven with whom Karen exchanges pleasantries.

These images are just a tiny sample of very patient Karen's latest "trophies."  You can't eat them, but they don't drive you out of the house during Thanksgiving.

Revenge of the Nerds

We did it!!!  Yes, we finally became the 7th to the last people on earth over the age of six months to acquire iPhones or their equivalent.  That’s partly because we opted to clear out deleted stuff from our previous Samsung phone —  all 7.99 Gigabytes of the 8.0 Gigabyte phone that refused to depart when we said “depart,” “OK, please depart.” “PRETTY PLEASE!”  

The writers of software inserted in every modern electronic device have one personality defect, er, trait — they delight in human suffering.  It’s revenge for being harassed for acting nerd-like during their middle school years.

Thus, unable to take even a single photo with the Samsung, thereby reducing it to no more than a metallic object useful for alerting TSA agents that we needed full body pat downs because we forgot it was in our pocket and little else, we followed Miss Google’s advice and pressed reset to factory settings.  

“Are you sure?”  

“Yes”

Surely that would truly purge everything we had purged including photos I can’t replace and viola, we’d have a healthy, practically new cell phone — the one ATT gave me free for forking over $100 to sign up for our original plan back when — I forget.

Purge completed we turned the phone on and began setting it up again, a process as smooth as talcum powder until….

“Enter the google password you used to set up your phone.”

What Google password?  There was no Google password.  I never could get on the internet to access Google with that contraption — ever!!!  And I don’t want to get on Google anyway.  I just want a phone.  A TELEPHONE!

However, those programers provided no options and over the eons I had Google passwords, maybe 38 of them, all deleted.

Enter the world of three guesses and you’re out!  Reset your password and wait 24 hours until you get to try again.

And again but each time just one try before having to enter another new password on that tiny screen where my finger spanned three letters.

And again.

And again.

Did I mention again, each time another 24 hour wait?

Are there any humanoids out there?

Another 38 passwords later that cold piece of Samsung metal with all it’s electronic components and rare earth components and unlimited minutes of calling and texts and 3 G of internet usage per month that I never could use because of — see discussion above — that I recently paid $200 plus tax to use until next April, sits glaring at me with its one eye, daring me to try again.  I narrow my eyes and glare back.

So now I am the owner of a brand new Apple iPhone which I wii never ever ever press reset to factory settings — if I can only figure out how to use it.  Hint — so far when I try to take a photo, half the time I take a short movie, the other half — nothing.  But, if I keep at it, I’ll soon be able to splice the movies together to create a feature length film.  You can look for it coming out at a drive-in theater near you next winter.

OK, this needs a photo.  How about a couple of Karen's from this week?

                                           Looking across Wrangell Narrows from Petersburg

                                                 Just checking up on ya. (Sitka black-tailed deer)